My Mom was a person who valued people and time. She valued the relationships she had with others with respect, respectful honesty, thoughtfulness, insight, intelligence, humor and love. Some people may say, one sees something “very black and white.” My Mom did just that but with a lot of understanding and compassion. She had the uncanny ability to see a situation for what it was and was able to offer so much comfort and joy to all of those in her presence. When you were in her presence, you were surrounded with a sense of love and joy. She was a true problem solver that had a way of speaking the truth without creating disrespect or meaningful hurt. Friends and family were amazed at how “strong” she was during her fight against Lymphoma: she didn’t complain. She did what she had to do to courageously fight her illness. That is just who she was.
I’ll never forget while she was on Hospice, many friends and family wanted to say their good byes and well wishes and in even her last days she greeted everyone with a smile. Some people may say this is a rare gem. It was and I do miss that a lot, however, like the title of this article, there is so much value in a loss. As my Mom once said: “No one knows or understands the situation until you are in it, so you can’t judge.” Yes, I am sharing this and maybe you are thinking: “Well of course! She was your Mom. You would feel that way.” If my Mom weren’t my Mom, however, she definitely would have been my friend.
One of the greatest memories of her viewing was meeting her clients; people that I didn’t know who told me how deeply they were genuinely touched by her. Feeling the love they had for her was priceless. Just last week, someone said to me: “Your mom was the kind of person that could put two enemies in a room together and she would have them coming out of the room hugging each other.” Value in a loss.
“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln
Value In A Loss
How? Your life is your legacy. Abraham Lincoln said “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” As History proves over and over, we learn from our past. Yes, we mourn the loss of those that have touched us deeply, but there comes a time that we bring the value of the loss to the surface. Being strong is who she was. It was her character. Strength is a character, however, it is our choice to exercise it. The character of her being had so much value. The interesting thing is that her character lives on more deeply now. I was told by a wonderful grief counselor: “You will never be the same, especially after suffering the loss of a mother, but you will in time see the value.” Yes, I see and appreciate the value of the loss. The value of my time and how I spend it. The value of what is acceptable and what is not. The value of tolerance among reality. The value of respect and thoughtfulness. The value of compassion and understanding. However, I’ve learned to not get the value mixed up in expectation either.
“You are who you are,” as my mom once said. “You can’t always expect others to do as you would. You are who you are.” That is a gift, but you learn what is acceptable through experience. Becoming wise with the gift of the value she left behind – that is what I would like to believe and my hope is it will only become richer with time.
“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, For all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
Yes, I value all the qualities of Roberta and I value those qualities in myself and others not as a victim, not as feeling entitled, but appreciating the gift in time and seeing its true value.
How do you find value in loss? Leave a comment below.
Read more on my site, Thank You Isn’t Enough